Catalans Don’t Need Independence

Citizens' Voice Series

CalDirHo

Critic
Well known Twitter user
IT professional

At an international level, more and more voices start to raise to ask with more or less urgency for the independence of Catalonia from Spain, but I, here and now, have to tell you that: Never mind, why might Catalonia need the independence?

1- Maybe to stop being plundered 22.000.000.000 € per year, which represents 10% of Catalan GPD?

NO. Catalans are not like the Spaniards: we don’t like money. What is it for, after all? It only perverts human beings, right?
Furthermore, what would we do with so much money?
Schools for our children? Hospitals with high quality services? Worldwide pioneering research centers?
Improving our infrastructures by putting them at the european level? Fighting the extreme poverty suffered by many of our fellow citizens?
No, no, we don’t want that. We like being poor to win a place in heaven, like any other human being from any civilized country.
Did you think about it? Independence would endanger that. What a disaster, right?

So, fellow Catalans, say with me:
No to independence! No to money!
Yes to the plundering! Yes to poverty!

2- Maybe to prevent our language, Catalan, from disappearing?

NO. Catalans -and in this we agree with our Spanish brothers- hope that Catalan will soon become a dead language. Think about it. A dead language like Latin, one of the most important in history although it is no longer spoken today.
How beautiful, right? The Catalan language as a museum piece!
The only thing that would be able to mess that encouraging future up would be independence, and this, my friends, we cannot tolerate.
The Catalan language is not a great thing anyways: What are we talking about? About a millenary language with some of the most important literature, spoken today by more than 10 million people and one of the most active on the Internet, with its own domain .cat, with more than 50,000 registered websites?
All this could be saved by the independence of Catalonia, what a disaster would it be, right?

So, Catalans, say with me:
No to independence!
Yes to the disappearance of the Catalan!

3- Maybe to prevent our traditions and cultural heritage from being lost forever?

No. Unlike other countries, Catalans actually detest our own traditions and our cultural heritage. We don’t like our absurd traditional dances, music or drama. For us, people as admired worldwide as Antoni Gaudí, Salvador Dalí and Joan Miró have no artistic value and we are not proud that they were Catalans. Neither musicians like Isaac Albéniz, Enric Granados, Xavier Montsalvatge, Frederic Mompou or Pau Casals are worth our respect.
Furthermore, we just can’t understand why UNESCO declared the ancient festival of the Patum as well as the “Castells” (human towers) to be “World Intangible Cultural Heritage”. What is the point?
What we are afraid of is that independence would probably save all this heritage and keep to be visited and admired by people all over the world. It would be a huge disaster, right?

Thus, Catalans, say with me:
No to independence!
Yes to the disappearance of our culture!

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We, the Catalans, want to LOSE all these things, because what we really like, unlike the rest of the world, is this: TO LOSE.

And that’s why we don’t celebrate “The Independence Day” as all nations do. On the contrary, we love to celebrate “The day we lost our independence in the hands of Spain”. On 11th of September every year, in commemoration of September 11th 1714, when the ancestors of our current beloved Burboun King presented us what we, the Catalans, appreciate the most: A painful defeat.

Such a disaster! All these defeats, all these old humiliations, could probably be changed into victories thanks to our eventual independence.

Thus, fellow Catalan, say with me:

No to independence! No to the victory!
Yes to dependence! Yes to the defeat!

And finally, we should probably add that the Catalans also like irony.

So, Catalans, shout loud, really loud with me:
Yes to the independence!
Yes to irony!


CalDirHo

Critic
Well known Twitter user
IT professional